Stealing from Walmart, The Receipt Game

Theft, Stealing, Larceny

From

     These are some of the best practices to stealing. But let me say I find a moral high ground when it comes to stealing from business as opposed to stealing from individual people. I personally don’t steal from friends, family, coworkers, or citizens in general. Am I aware that stealing from businesses causes prices to rise and thereby affecting citizens adversely? Yes. However, it doesn’t have to be that way, companies tend to make ridiculous profits and could easily absorb those losses but choose not to and therefore pass the loss to customers while maintaining there comfortable profit margins. While those of you on your high horse who say things like, “you’re making I harder on the rest of us who work for a living” should take into account we’re not the ones making the choice to make it harder on you, there are specific people in charge of making that decision, and I’m not one of them. I have gone out with the intention to acquire as much a I could in order to turn around and sell it at a discount, simply because I needed to pay the utility bill because every interview goes terrific until they ask about felonies or do a background check. Just because I’m not hired doesn’t mean the utility bill isn’t due, and they don’t care whether you’re employed or not.

Now that I have soap-boxed on that let’s get to it.

Simple Returns

The quickest way to get a little bit of cash in your pocket, like say…for cigarettes or gas money is simply to return items to Walmart….with a receipt. Having the receipt is vital to a smooth experience, due to the variety of return policies at every individual Walmart. When returning something with a receipt there’s no muss, no fuss. Here’s the steps to make it happen:

1.       Get a receipt.  

This is an example of a receipt where the items were purchased with cash.

Yes, it’s as easy as it sounds. Get a receipt, any receipt from Walmart, whether it’s one that you have from a previous purchase, your mama’s receipt, or just a receipt you found on the ground.

a.       Make sure the items on the receipt were paid with either a debit card or cash.

b.       DO NOT USE a receipt that the items were paid with a credit card, (I wasn’t paying attention and did this once, someone now has money back on their credit card. Merry Christmas. #pay attention)

2.       Read the UPC codes (UPC – Universal Product Code).

Next to each item on the receipt is a 12 digit number – the UPC code. Mostly just pay attention to the last four digits. This is the number you have to match to the item you intend to acquire.

a.       Different items have different UPC codes. Identical items have the same UPC codes.

(Blue medium shorts by AND1 has the same UPC code as all other blue medium shorts by AND1 but different than say, large blue shorts by AND1.)

b.       This is universal throughout every Walmart. But not every Walmart has the same items.

3.       Make a list.

This is a huge time saver. You’re probably not going to get everything on every receipt. So you’re going to want to make a list of the items you’re going to get. On the list write:

A Small list with the required columns.

a.       The name of the product.

b.       The price of the product. (helps in locating the item later)

c.       The last four digits of the UPC code

4.       Get dressed.

I know it seems dumb, but this could be the difference between being watched and not being watched.

a.       Wear clothes that look and are clean, preferably new.

b.       Long sleeves are ideal. (often items are small enough to pick up and slip inside your sleeve with one hand.)

c.       Cut your hair, trim your beard and moustache, look clean cut.

d.       Pants that are comfortable or relaxed fit. Stay away from baggy clothes.

e.       If you have a bag that’s not too big, like for laptops – Bring it.  Ladies bring the big purse.

f.        A belt is a must, whether you need it or not.

g.       Try not to be black or Mexican (sometimes this is unavoidable, sorry).

h.       If you have a friend who is a minority, have them dress the opposite of what’s suggested above, they will become the decoy.

5.       Let’s go to Walmart.

The best way to get there is by car, but if your items are few or you just don’t have a car, take the bus or walk. Whatever the case is, you have to get to Walmart or you won’t be able to do any of the stuff we’re about to discuss. (Best practice is to get a driver)

a.       It’s best to go in teams. Male/Female teams are best. (We’ll Discuss teams another time in more detail)

b.       Be confident, listen to music that makes you feel the world is yours and owes you something.

6.       Inside Walmart.

Pretty simple instructions. Go inside. Here’s a few things to pay close attention to.

a.       Notice the greeter, or lack thereof. Say hi, be friendly, smile… Most greeters are the little old ladies  or old men or disabled folks who don’t do much but… Greet you. If that’s the case…remember that, it’s gonna come up again later.

b.       Act like you know what you came for, because you do. You even have a list, unless you got high and left it on the fucking counter.

c.       Don’t rush, but don’t lollygag either. According to ChaCha the average time spent in a Walmart is 1 hour.

d.    When you get into a section locate the item's brands. Walmart tries to stay organized, use this to your advantage.

e.    Next, search for the price of the item in question.

f.     Then, look closer at the UPC and find your match. (sometimes it's not there).

g.     Don't be afraid to ask for help.

1.      Stealing

This is where the good stuff starts. You have to decide how you’re going to steal based on what you’re going to steal. There are a few ways to do this.

A.    If the item is small and you can slip it up your sleeve, do that.

B.     If the item is large or you have a significant list and plan to fill your cart up, do that…throw it in the cart.

C.     If you’ve brought your bag, hopefully you placed it in the part where the baby sits. Small items can be placed near it.

a.       If you place items slated to go in the bag, place them near the bag and wait to put them in there until you’re in a safe and secure aisle.

D.    Continue moving throughout the store repeating the process until your cart is about half full.

2.      Time to Go.

It’s now time to leave. Make a pass by the front door and check out the greeter. Is it the same old lady or has the greeter been replaced with someone more…competent looking? This is a yellow flag. Be careful because you may have been made. But it ain’t over yet.

If the greeter is the same, walk up to them and ask them to watch your cart, and head to the car. Now you can either go to another Walmart and return the items yourself or have your partner return the items to the same Walmart…right then. You stay in the car.

If you intend to take the whole cart, because some of you’re items are large, then try to find a checkout lane that doesn’t have a chain across it or a cashier. Walk through it confidently. Head to the bathroom. Go in, take a piss, wash your hands, head back to the cart. Again, notice the greeter. Same old lady? Walk past her, best to be preoccupied, texting on your phone or in a discussion with the person your with. Walk out. Head to the car. If you make it off the sidewalk right in front of the store you have gotten away and they didn’t even realize it.

The items that you have receipts for can be immediately returned by someone else, or you can do it yourself at a different Walmart. Congratulations, if your load is worth less than $750 you have just committed a Misdemeanor  and gotten away with it.

Now I know, this petty crime can be invigorating and help make ends meet. I'm also well aware of the fact that this is a far cry from the "gangster" ideal I had grown up with in my head. But, I'm sure nobody would argue with the fact that this is Living Criminal.

Yeah, That's me!

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