I have often wondered at what point I decided to become a criminal. Growing up in America I travelled around, a lot. When I'm asked why we moved so much, my standard response became, "because we were poor." Which we were, financially. I was raised by my mother, Veta Ann Hargis and we often went from place to place for reasons unknown to me as a young child. There were a few occasions I was sent to live with my father, Daren LaRoy Rucker, Sr., and shortly there after I would be sent back to live with my mother, who by this time had moved again. Different cities and different states, from California to Pennsylvania, Missouri to Arizona and in between all the places there was always one place called home, Waynesville, Missouri. I'm sure I'll be referencing "The 'Ville" throughout my time and anecdotes as it has and always will be a significant part of my life.
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| This is NOT me, But it's kinda what it was like. |
There are a few very distinct moments that I can recall that I believe assisted in the development of my identity as a criminal. First and foremost in my recollection of being taught that, "It's only illegal, if you get caught". This, however true it may be, was never balanced out directly with the reality that while something may not be illegal, it doesn't make it right. This is a lesson that I've learned on my own, more so than anything. Of course, that works in reverse as well, just because something is legal, doesn't make it right. I think this is above all, the concept that I hope to get people to stop and think about when reading this blog.
When I was about seven year old I was caught stealing some candy or something and my mother had a friend who worked for the small town police department and had my brother and I thrown in a jail cell for a couple hours in an attempt to scare us into not stealing anymore. I remember hearing the cell door slam shut and my brother and I looking at each other, sitting on the bunk, and discussing how, "it wasn't that bad". I assure you a couple hours, isn't that bad.
So perhaps it was about that time that it started to grow, the idea that being a criminal is a subconscious path that I would begin to follow, because it wasn't long after that I began stealing almost everywhere I went. Usually small things like pens, pencils, crayons, and often when I was hungry I stole my specialty, Little Debbie snack cakes, especially Star Crunch....loved them. I wasn't caught stealing again until I was 15, at which point I wasn't really caught, as I was called out by my mother who noticed all the nice clothes and constant change in shoes when she told me to stop stealing. Looking back I'm ashamed at my response, "I'll quit stealing, when you can buy me the things I want." That ended that conversation. I stepped my game up and starting grabbing jewelry as well as higher end clothes of which we could never have afforded. My mother has had some of the biggest smiles on her face when I've gifted to her nice things, and it seemed as though we've adopted a don't ask, don't tell policy. This lifestyle choice, mixed with reinforced conditioning from some of my favorite movies with lines like, "As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster. To me, being a gangster was better than being President of the United States....To me, it meant being somebody in a neighborhood that was full of nobodies. They weren't like anybody else. I mean, they did whatever they wanted." Henry Hill (Goodfellas, 1990)
When I was about seven year old I was caught stealing some candy or something and my mother had a friend who worked for the small town police department and had my brother and I thrown in a jail cell for a couple hours in an attempt to scare us into not stealing anymore. I remember hearing the cell door slam shut and my brother and I looking at each other, sitting on the bunk, and discussing how, "it wasn't that bad". I assure you a couple hours, isn't that bad.
So perhaps it was about that time that it started to grow, the idea that being a criminal is a subconscious path that I would begin to follow, because it wasn't long after that I began stealing almost everywhere I went. Usually small things like pens, pencils, crayons, and often when I was hungry I stole my specialty, Little Debbie snack cakes, especially Star Crunch....loved them. I wasn't caught stealing again until I was 15, at which point I wasn't really caught, as I was called out by my mother who noticed all the nice clothes and constant change in shoes when she told me to stop stealing. Looking back I'm ashamed at my response, "I'll quit stealing, when you can buy me the things I want." That ended that conversation. I stepped my game up and starting grabbing jewelry as well as higher end clothes of which we could never have afforded. My mother has had some of the biggest smiles on her face when I've gifted to her nice things, and it seemed as though we've adopted a don't ask, don't tell policy. This lifestyle choice, mixed with reinforced conditioning from some of my favorite movies with lines like, "As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster. To me, being a gangster was better than being President of the United States....To me, it meant being somebody in a neighborhood that was full of nobodies. They weren't like anybody else. I mean, they did whatever they wanted." Henry Hill (Goodfellas, 1990)
This all came after my cousin had me out late in California and put me down with the GDs, (Gangster Disciples), Because in between all of this I really wanted to be a person my mother could be proud of, someone that could say they were better than everybody else. I studied in school and was often bored as the school curriculum wasn't very challenging, and I was never a part of the "in crowd" because I was always the new kid and the "in crowd" always consisted of the kids who had grown up together. Since I didn't have anyone to goof off with at school, I studied, made good grades, and excelled at academics, while wanting to participate in extra-curricular activities like football. But often couldn't afford it, or moved before any season started or started too late in the season.
So it was probably around that time, age 15 that I really wanted to be a criminal.
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